I know its just hair. However,....

Today was a lousy day as most of you are aware of. For those of you who don't know, my baby girls are both now completely bald.
COMPLETELY

I spent 95% of my day in tears.
And at 1st I didn't know why I was crying.

I assumed it was because I was angry.
Or because it was just such a shock seeing them this morning.

But, as the day went on and I continued to see them out of the corner of my eye, it hit me why this is bothering me so bad.

Sure, its upsetting because I LOVED their hair.

I think the real reason though?
They look like they are sick.

Even though I KNOW they are perfectly healthy, I see those little round heads and can't help but picture them sick.
They seem skinnier
They seem fragile.
They seem much more pale because their heads are so stinken white.

And that causes me to cry.
Not only because they look sick but because it is a constant reminder that even though we were blessed with healthy children, there are children out there with no hair because they truly are sick.

Brycen had a soccer game tonight and so it was time for their 1st public outing with their new look. They don't have hats (that will be changing tomorrow) so they wore hoodies. I tried to get them to keep them up. Partly because I didn't want their head to get cold or to burn from the sun but also for a selfish reason.
I didn't want people to see their heads.
How awful is that?!?

I will be the 1st to admit, they are not the cutest kids in the world with bald heads. I have seen kids with no hair that are just so adorable. My daughters? their heads are oddly shaped.

But that's not the reason I didn't want people to see their heads.

I didn't want people to stare.
To think to themselves "those poor girls"

Ask anyone that has ever been in public with me and the twins, we get stopped 50 times when we go to the store and people comment on them, ask questions about them. Sure its super annoying but it had become the normal.

At the soccer game?

Not a single person said a single word to us.
A couple people smiled at them but even their smiles seemed to say "those poor sick little girls"

PRAISE THE LORD THEY AREN'T SICK!!
I wouldn't be able to handle sick kids.
I truly believe only the strongest parents in the world have sick children because God knows they have the strength to handle it.
I am not one of those parents.
And that showed tonight.

I'm sure this is just a complete rambling post. I know what I want to say but I am assuming its not coming across right.

To sum it up.
My daughters are healthy and it breaks my heart to see people ALREADY look at them and think they aren't.
They are still the same 2 loveable little girls they were 24 hrs ago and when they had their hair.
This will be a huge adjustment.
I know that sounds ridiculous because ITS JUST HAIR
but it is so much more than a bad hair cut.

Who knows how long it is going to take for me to get used to this.
I can tell you though, I am still not to the laughing stage and I think it will be quite awhile until I get there.