January 8th in the middle of the night, I found myself eating almost an entire bag of chips while sitting on the couch watching tv. I looked beside me at my pop and around my trashed house and knew something needed to be done. NOW. I went into the bathroom and stepped on the scale and couldn't believe my eyes at what it read. Quickly I went to the kitchen and threw away all the junk food we had and threw away all of my pop. I made signs and hung them around my kitchen which had my weight written on them. I hung them on the fridge, and the cabinets. I also hung one on the mirror in the bathroom.
Grabbed my laptop and researched Atkins for hrs and that next morning, my weight loss journey began.
After I was confident that I could do it, I made a goal list. 1st goal being 20 lbs. Until I hit that mark, I wasn't allowing myself on facebook. I turned off my email notifications, I deleted my facebook app. I was going to follow through!!
I went strict. 3 liters of water every day and no more than 20 carbs a day. I weighed myself regularly and LOVED seeing the pounds just melt away.
Every night I did a walking video that about killed me.
It was amazing how quickly I saw results.
It was amazing how much better I started feeling!!
After the 1st couple months not only could see the results on the scale but I could also see them in how my clothes fit.
Once I hit the 40 lb mark I allowed myself to join a gym. Up till that point I refused to put any money into this. I know there are so many products out there that can help with weight loss but I wanted to be able to say I did this on my own.
Once I started the gym I went 6 days a week. It became an addiction.
All I could think about was my workout program and couldn't wait to go back the next day.
The gym because my #1 priority
I decided the gym just wasn't enough, so I added in a squat program.
I absolutely KILLED my legs but didn't care because I wanted to see results and I wanted to see them now.
I hit my 50 lb mark in 5 months and I felt wonderful.
It was time to leave on our family vacation and all I could think about was how many days I was going to miss at the gym and when was I going to be able to do my squats and what was I going to eat. Atkins is hard to follow when you don't have the food at your finger tips all day.
We got to Green bay, went out to eat, and we got a pizza.
Our whole family shared a pizza.
It was so good. The kids devoured it.
I got back to the hotel and did my squats while everyone was asleep and my legs were so sore the next day walking around Lambeau.
So the next day I took off from squats.
The next day I took off from atkins again too.
And the world didn't end.
2 days away from the gym and I survived.
Infact, I didn't stress it at all.
We had the PERFECT vacation and I was happy. I felt great walking all the time and not getting winded. I ran a little bit with our kids in the marathon.
I felt healthy!
Only half way to my "goal weight" and I felt amazing.
I got back from vacation and my weight loss addiction seemed to disappear.
Instead of going to the gym everyday and coming home sore and eating different food than my entire family, I just relaxed.
Unfortunately, my motivation is currently stalled.
I keep thinking back to how great it felt to be exercising and seeing the numbers go down but I just don't have that drive anymore. I KNOW it will come back (its starting to creep up already)
I have come to realize, my "goal weight" is just a number. And the sad thing is, its a number that I'm just assuming will instantly make me happy. But lets be honest, even once I hit it, I will still have self esteem issues.
So, I've changed my "goal weight".
Instead of it being a number, its going to be a feeling.
I want to feel healthy.
I want to feel alive.
I want to feel beautiful in my body
Right now, I'm there.
Yes, I have gained weight since I stopped my vigorous workout.
I have carb face again.
I am still severely overweight.
But, the new clothes I bought, they still fit.
I am no where NEAR my unhealthy eating habits I had back in January.
I don't get winded just walking up the stairs.
Do I still need to lose weight?
ABSOLUTELY!
But, do I need to make such drastic changes and compromises to do it?
No, I don't.
Right now, I really do need motivation to at least start back up again. That is always the hardest part.
I think that will come easy though once I can figure out how to lose weight without it becoming top priority of my life.
I can still use everyones support.
And I don't want ANYONE to think I have given up because I havn't
I will reach a healthy weight.
But I will do it while maintaining a clean house
spending as much time as I possibly can with my kids
enjoying life with my husband
My weight loss will NEVER be my #1 priority.
I will continue my lifestyle change of eating healthier and exercising more.
Will I hit my 100 lb goal by Christmas?
Probably not.
Chances are once the batteries die in the scale we have, I won't replace them.
The number on that scale does not matter.
As long as I can live my life and feel healthy and run around the yard with my kids, that's all that matters.
You also have my word though, those 50 lbs that I lost and kept off? That weight will NEVER come back. That part of me is dead and gone. :)
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
I know its just hair. However,....
Today was a lousy day as most of you are aware of. For those of you who don't know, my baby girls are both now completely bald.
COMPLETELY
I spent 95% of my day in tears.
And at 1st I didn't know why I was crying.
I assumed it was because I was angry.
Or because it was just such a shock seeing them this morning.
But, as the day went on and I continued to see them out of the corner of my eye, it hit me why this is bothering me so bad.
Sure, its upsetting because I LOVED their hair.
I think the real reason though?
They look like they are sick.
Even though I KNOW they are perfectly healthy, I see those little round heads and can't help but picture them sick.
They seem skinnier
They seem fragile.
They seem much more pale because their heads are so stinken white.
And that causes me to cry.
Not only because they look sick but because it is a constant reminder that even though we were blessed with healthy children, there are children out there with no hair because they truly are sick.
Brycen had a soccer game tonight and so it was time for their 1st public outing with their new look. They don't have hats (that will be changing tomorrow) so they wore hoodies. I tried to get them to keep them up. Partly because I didn't want their head to get cold or to burn from the sun but also for a selfish reason.
I didn't want people to see their heads.
How awful is that?!?
I will be the 1st to admit, they are not the cutest kids in the world with bald heads. I have seen kids with no hair that are just so adorable. My daughters? their heads are oddly shaped.
But that's not the reason I didn't want people to see their heads.
I didn't want people to stare.
To think to themselves "those poor girls"
Ask anyone that has ever been in public with me and the twins, we get stopped 50 times when we go to the store and people comment on them, ask questions about them. Sure its super annoying but it had become the normal.
At the soccer game?
Not a single person said a single word to us.
A couple people smiled at them but even their smiles seemed to say "those poor sick little girls"
PRAISE THE LORD THEY AREN'T SICK!!
I wouldn't be able to handle sick kids.
I truly believe only the strongest parents in the world have sick children because God knows they have the strength to handle it.
I am not one of those parents.
And that showed tonight.
I'm sure this is just a complete rambling post. I know what I want to say but I am assuming its not coming across right.
To sum it up.
My daughters are healthy and it breaks my heart to see people ALREADY look at them and think they aren't.
They are still the same 2 loveable little girls they were 24 hrs ago and when they had their hair.
This will be a huge adjustment.
I know that sounds ridiculous because ITS JUST HAIR
but it is so much more than a bad hair cut.
Who knows how long it is going to take for me to get used to this.
I can tell you though, I am still not to the laughing stage and I think it will be quite awhile until I get there.
COMPLETELY
I spent 95% of my day in tears.
And at 1st I didn't know why I was crying.
I assumed it was because I was angry.
Or because it was just such a shock seeing them this morning.
But, as the day went on and I continued to see them out of the corner of my eye, it hit me why this is bothering me so bad.
Sure, its upsetting because I LOVED their hair.
I think the real reason though?
They look like they are sick.
Even though I KNOW they are perfectly healthy, I see those little round heads and can't help but picture them sick.
They seem skinnier
They seem fragile.
They seem much more pale because their heads are so stinken white.
And that causes me to cry.
Not only because they look sick but because it is a constant reminder that even though we were blessed with healthy children, there are children out there with no hair because they truly are sick.
Brycen had a soccer game tonight and so it was time for their 1st public outing with their new look. They don't have hats (that will be changing tomorrow) so they wore hoodies. I tried to get them to keep them up. Partly because I didn't want their head to get cold or to burn from the sun but also for a selfish reason.
I didn't want people to see their heads.
How awful is that?!?
I will be the 1st to admit, they are not the cutest kids in the world with bald heads. I have seen kids with no hair that are just so adorable. My daughters? their heads are oddly shaped.
But that's not the reason I didn't want people to see their heads.
I didn't want people to stare.
To think to themselves "those poor girls"
Ask anyone that has ever been in public with me and the twins, we get stopped 50 times when we go to the store and people comment on them, ask questions about them. Sure its super annoying but it had become the normal.
At the soccer game?
Not a single person said a single word to us.
A couple people smiled at them but even their smiles seemed to say "those poor sick little girls"
PRAISE THE LORD THEY AREN'T SICK!!
I wouldn't be able to handle sick kids.
I truly believe only the strongest parents in the world have sick children because God knows they have the strength to handle it.
I am not one of those parents.
And that showed tonight.
I'm sure this is just a complete rambling post. I know what I want to say but I am assuming its not coming across right.
To sum it up.
My daughters are healthy and it breaks my heart to see people ALREADY look at them and think they aren't.
They are still the same 2 loveable little girls they were 24 hrs ago and when they had their hair.
This will be a huge adjustment.
I know that sounds ridiculous because ITS JUST HAIR
but it is so much more than a bad hair cut.
Who knows how long it is going to take for me to get used to this.
I can tell you though, I am still not to the laughing stage and I think it will be quite awhile until I get there.
Monday, September 23, 2013
The Story of Brad and Brittany :)
Let me 1st start out by saying, I judge status' and posts like crazy. Just like I'm sure a lot of other people do, I attempt to read in between the lines of what everyone else says. Anytime anyone says about how much they love their life, or how amazing the significant other is, all I can think about is, is it sincere? Does that girl REALLY think her husband is the most amazing person in the world or is their life shattering before he eyes and she is trying to cover it up?
The only reason I bring this all up is to explain to you, that this post is not a "read in between the lines post" Its not a "my life is a mess and so I want to disguise it and make it seem better than it is" This post is simply about how I truly am the luckiest, most blessed person that I know.
And let me tell you why....
Because in 2006, I fell in love with a guy named Brad.
Me and this guy named Brad are going to be celebrating 6 years of marriage this coming Sunday and that has me thinking about our journey to this point.
Fair warning, it hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies.
There have been some uphill battles.
There have been some poor decisions.
There have been a lot of learning experiences.
BUT
every single fight
every single tear
every single frustrating moment has gotten us to where we are.
AND IT HAS BEEN TOTALLY WORTH IT!!
Let me go back 7 years for those of you who don't know the Brad and Brittany story. (not to worry, even though I remember practically every step of the journey, I won't share the entire thing (although I will be sharing a lot). I mean, lets face it. I'm only 25. There are still parts of my life that will wait a few years to tell my parents about ;)
I've known of Brad for quite some time. I always knew him as "BRAD" though. "BRAD" the guy who was in charge of church retreats. He was always the center of attention. Majority of the girls my age had a crush on him. To me, and a lot of other people, he was one of the faces of the Brethren Youth.
My 1st encounter with Brad was at a big boot air band in Nappanee. There he was standing with a group of guys (a couple were my friends) I started talking to him about, who knows what and I asked him about the hat he was wearing. (North Carolina tarheels) I don't know how it happened, but I ended up with the hat. I PROMISED him I would give it to him at the next youth conference. My parents and sister can vouch for me, that hat was like a priced possession. I made sure nothing happened to it. I wore it all the time. And at that next conference, I gave it back.
And that was it.
It wasn't until a retreat though that I truly got to know him.
Feb of 2006 we were at a winter retreat. I was hanging out with an old friend of mine and we were getting ready to sneak out (typical night at camp Shipshewana. sorry Erica. sorry Rick. sorry mom!) There was a big group in the basement playing Risk and Emily and I were headed out the door. As we were leaving "BRAD" comes running through the lobby. I have no idea why she did it but Emmy asked if he wanted to come out with us. I don't know why he did it, but he said sure! (this was huge looking back now that I know how competitive my husband is. He quite a game of risk to hang out with us!)
So, we walked around.
We talked.
We got to know each other.
It was innocent.
It was harmless.
It was a night I knew I would never forget.
After the retreat, I emailed him. He left the retreat early and I filled him in on how the rest of the weekend went. (oy vey. For anyone that was at that retreat. you remember how it went. Stupid pranks, very upset youth pastors. it got ugly!)
And sure enough, a few days later, he responded.
A few weeks later, another simple email.
A couple months later, I asked for his address to invite him to my open house.
And then, he showed up.
And I was completely shocked. "BRAD" was at my house. He was hanging out with my friends. "BRAD" was now my friend.
And as awesome as that was, unfortunately, I was leaving for the entire summer.
Now let me explain one thing to you. Up till this point, I never viewed Brad as more than a friend. (a very cute friend that I had a major crush on) but nothing more.
The night before I left, I emailed him. And I told him how my heart actually hurt knowing that I was leaving and this friendship that we had developed would be nothing more. I was leaving for the summer and then going off to college. I remember that feeling was just so overwhelming. So discouraging.
The next morning we left. We got to steak n shake so I could say bye to Kayla and I got a text from Brad. He was on his way to Milford. With a burnt cd and a bag of reese cups. He wanted to surprise me. And it was at that very moment that I KNEW this was different than any other friendship I had ever had.
I was in Ashland Ohio that whole next week. We texted back and forth. Had a few phone calls, but I MISSED him. That Tuesday night I got a call from a very upset kayla who was going through some pretty rough stuff. It killed me that I couldn't be there for her. I remember calling brad and bawling bc the one time my best friend TRULY needed me, I was gone. The next day? Who shows up to Ashland? Brad and Kayla. He reached out to her and brought her to see me. (almost a 4 hr trip) I was so amazed.
We had to leave Ashland that Friday. We were gathering up our stuff and making some last minute plans and I walk into the national office. And theres Brad.
He came back again.
To see me :)
I BAWLED this time when he left. I couldn't bring myself to watch him go. I honestly think that is when I fell in love with him.(shh, don't tell him)
Cassie Carter and Amy Watts can vouch for me that the whole summer was spent with me talking to him every night and texting him all day. (my parents can vouch too bc they paid the phone bill. OUCH!)
The best thing that happened to me that summer was I broke my arm.
Because breaking my arm sent me home for a few days.
And that allowed my mom to meet Brad on the steps of the retreat house at Camp.
That also allowed Brad to show up at our church picnic at Yogi Bear Park and meet everyone.
Who knew a broken bone could be such a good thing :)
Conference that year was a blur. IT WAS AMAZING! I saw him all the time. We hung out from sunrise till hours after curfew. And the crazy thing was, after talking every night for hours on end all summer long, we never ran out of things to say. I had never known a person as well as I knew this guy. And we weren't even dating!
Well.... officially
And that's because, the gentlemen that he was, wanted to ask my dads permission. And what better way to do that then a 4 hour car ride back from Ashland with my parents.
Luckily, they liked him :)
And July 28, 2006 we officially started dating.
Sept 29, 2007 we got married.
Some people think that we got married so fast but honestly, we didn't. We spent more time talking and getting to know each other than most people ever do. (one phone conversation over that summer was 6 hrs long. That was none stop talking for 6 hrs.)
I didn't set out looking for a husband. I had never really dated. Brad just kind of appeared in my life and was there to stay.
Its now Sept 2013 and we still havn't run out of thing to say.
He still surprises me with his charm.
And I don't know how but somehow I love him even more now that I did back in 2006.
The only reason I bring this all up is to explain to you, that this post is not a "read in between the lines post" Its not a "my life is a mess and so I want to disguise it and make it seem better than it is" This post is simply about how I truly am the luckiest, most blessed person that I know.
And let me tell you why....
Because in 2006, I fell in love with a guy named Brad.
Me and this guy named Brad are going to be celebrating 6 years of marriage this coming Sunday and that has me thinking about our journey to this point.
Fair warning, it hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies.
There have been some uphill battles.
There have been some poor decisions.
There have been a lot of learning experiences.
BUT
every single fight
every single tear
every single frustrating moment has gotten us to where we are.
AND IT HAS BEEN TOTALLY WORTH IT!!
Let me go back 7 years for those of you who don't know the Brad and Brittany story. (not to worry, even though I remember practically every step of the journey, I won't share the entire thing (although I will be sharing a lot). I mean, lets face it. I'm only 25. There are still parts of my life that will wait a few years to tell my parents about ;)
I've known of Brad for quite some time. I always knew him as "BRAD" though. "BRAD" the guy who was in charge of church retreats. He was always the center of attention. Majority of the girls my age had a crush on him. To me, and a lot of other people, he was one of the faces of the Brethren Youth.
My 1st encounter with Brad was at a big boot air band in Nappanee. There he was standing with a group of guys (a couple were my friends) I started talking to him about, who knows what and I asked him about the hat he was wearing. (North Carolina tarheels) I don't know how it happened, but I ended up with the hat. I PROMISED him I would give it to him at the next youth conference. My parents and sister can vouch for me, that hat was like a priced possession. I made sure nothing happened to it. I wore it all the time. And at that next conference, I gave it back.
And that was it.
It wasn't until a retreat though that I truly got to know him.
Feb of 2006 we were at a winter retreat. I was hanging out with an old friend of mine and we were getting ready to sneak out (typical night at camp Shipshewana. sorry Erica. sorry Rick. sorry mom!) There was a big group in the basement playing Risk and Emily and I were headed out the door. As we were leaving "BRAD" comes running through the lobby. I have no idea why she did it but Emmy asked if he wanted to come out with us. I don't know why he did it, but he said sure! (this was huge looking back now that I know how competitive my husband is. He quite a game of risk to hang out with us!)
So, we walked around.
We talked.
We got to know each other.
It was innocent.
It was harmless.
It was a night I knew I would never forget.
After the retreat, I emailed him. He left the retreat early and I filled him in on how the rest of the weekend went. (oy vey. For anyone that was at that retreat. you remember how it went. Stupid pranks, very upset youth pastors. it got ugly!)
And sure enough, a few days later, he responded.
A few weeks later, another simple email.
A couple months later, I asked for his address to invite him to my open house.
And then, he showed up.
And I was completely shocked. "BRAD" was at my house. He was hanging out with my friends. "BRAD" was now my friend.
And as awesome as that was, unfortunately, I was leaving for the entire summer.
Now let me explain one thing to you. Up till this point, I never viewed Brad as more than a friend. (a very cute friend that I had a major crush on) but nothing more.
The night before I left, I emailed him. And I told him how my heart actually hurt knowing that I was leaving and this friendship that we had developed would be nothing more. I was leaving for the summer and then going off to college. I remember that feeling was just so overwhelming. So discouraging.
The next morning we left. We got to steak n shake so I could say bye to Kayla and I got a text from Brad. He was on his way to Milford. With a burnt cd and a bag of reese cups. He wanted to surprise me. And it was at that very moment that I KNEW this was different than any other friendship I had ever had.
I was in Ashland Ohio that whole next week. We texted back and forth. Had a few phone calls, but I MISSED him. That Tuesday night I got a call from a very upset kayla who was going through some pretty rough stuff. It killed me that I couldn't be there for her. I remember calling brad and bawling bc the one time my best friend TRULY needed me, I was gone. The next day? Who shows up to Ashland? Brad and Kayla. He reached out to her and brought her to see me. (almost a 4 hr trip) I was so amazed.
We had to leave Ashland that Friday. We were gathering up our stuff and making some last minute plans and I walk into the national office. And theres Brad.
He came back again.
To see me :)
I BAWLED this time when he left. I couldn't bring myself to watch him go. I honestly think that is when I fell in love with him.(shh, don't tell him)
Cassie Carter and Amy Watts can vouch for me that the whole summer was spent with me talking to him every night and texting him all day. (my parents can vouch too bc they paid the phone bill. OUCH!)
The best thing that happened to me that summer was I broke my arm.
Because breaking my arm sent me home for a few days.
And that allowed my mom to meet Brad on the steps of the retreat house at Camp.
That also allowed Brad to show up at our church picnic at Yogi Bear Park and meet everyone.
Who knew a broken bone could be such a good thing :)
Conference that year was a blur. IT WAS AMAZING! I saw him all the time. We hung out from sunrise till hours after curfew. And the crazy thing was, after talking every night for hours on end all summer long, we never ran out of things to say. I had never known a person as well as I knew this guy. And we weren't even dating!
Well.... officially
And that's because, the gentlemen that he was, wanted to ask my dads permission. And what better way to do that then a 4 hour car ride back from Ashland with my parents.
Luckily, they liked him :)
And July 28, 2006 we officially started dating.
Sept 29, 2007 we got married.
Some people think that we got married so fast but honestly, we didn't. We spent more time talking and getting to know each other than most people ever do. (one phone conversation over that summer was 6 hrs long. That was none stop talking for 6 hrs.)
I didn't set out looking for a husband. I had never really dated. Brad just kind of appeared in my life and was there to stay.
Its now Sept 2013 and we still havn't run out of thing to say.
He still surprises me with his charm.
And I don't know how but somehow I love him even more now that I did back in 2006.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Time to post...
I like to write. Its always been a passion of mine. Whether it bee poems or blogs, writing is what seems to relax me.
That's why I started this blog a couple years ago. Just to get everything out of my mind and on 'paper'.
I just spent the last 30 min reading through my previous posts and it was fascinating! To see how far we have come!!
Previous posts wondering if Brycen would EVER sleep! Yep, he does.
Previous posts wondering if we made the right decision going back to Goshen Church. Yep, we did.
But there the posts about how Thursday are Walmart and McDonald day. Not anymore.
How mine and Kaylas friendship would never end. Never see her anymore.
How hard it would be having mom and dad move. Much easier than we thought.
How hard it was to leave my Milford Church family. Yes hard but Goshen helps out.
Wondering if we ever even wanted a house. Getting closer!!
Life changes so much all the time! When I started the blog in the fall of 2011, Brad was working 2nd shift, the kids didn't sleep, we lived in Milford, went to Maple City Chapel, dad was the pastor at Milford.
Its now 2013 and none of that is the same anymore! Its only been 2 years!!
In 2011 we were so happy with how life was turning out.
Its now 2013 and life is even better than it was there.
My kids all sleep. Because they are all in school. AND DOING SO WELL!!
Brad works 3rd shift and it is PERFECT. I would honestly be happy if he never switched shifts again.
We have started the home buying process so by this time next year we may have a house.
Goshen is our home church. We are even involved!! Brad is an usher and I help with the Childrens Church Program. Brycen even goes on Wednesday nights.
I guess I never realized just how much had changed in the last couple years.
Another big thing that has changed? As I sit here writing this blog, I have laundry going, there are only a few dishes in my sink, the kids room and our room are clean, the bathrooms are clean, the van is clean, meat is thawing in the refrigerator for supper tonight.
In the last 2 years, we have grown up! Become responsible!! Is our house in perfect condition? HECK NO. Would CPS take our kids away if they came knocking on the door though and saw their living environment? Nope :)
We have found routine.
That was something that has been missing with us from day 1.
We have a schedule.
And that all stems from having 3 semi well behaved children.
Brycen is currently at school and the girls are sitting on the floor coloring. Brad is fast asleep upstairs. The only noise right now is the music channel blarring on our tv.
This is life now.
Is it still tough? ABSOLUTELY
Am I still always exhausted? ABSOLUTELY
Do I still have melt downs? ALMOST WEEKLY
Do I still forget to shower everyday? YOU BETCHA
I can deal with all of that though. Im 25, going on 6 years of marriage with my best friend at the end of the month (WOW!) 3 AMAZING children, great friends, amazing family, loving church family.
I do believe I am winning this game called LIFE :)
That's why I started this blog a couple years ago. Just to get everything out of my mind and on 'paper'.
I just spent the last 30 min reading through my previous posts and it was fascinating! To see how far we have come!!
Previous posts wondering if Brycen would EVER sleep! Yep, he does.
Previous posts wondering if we made the right decision going back to Goshen Church. Yep, we did.
But there the posts about how Thursday are Walmart and McDonald day. Not anymore.
How mine and Kaylas friendship would never end. Never see her anymore.
How hard it would be having mom and dad move. Much easier than we thought.
How hard it was to leave my Milford Church family. Yes hard but Goshen helps out.
Wondering if we ever even wanted a house. Getting closer!!
Life changes so much all the time! When I started the blog in the fall of 2011, Brad was working 2nd shift, the kids didn't sleep, we lived in Milford, went to Maple City Chapel, dad was the pastor at Milford.
Its now 2013 and none of that is the same anymore! Its only been 2 years!!
In 2011 we were so happy with how life was turning out.
Its now 2013 and life is even better than it was there.
My kids all sleep. Because they are all in school. AND DOING SO WELL!!
Brad works 3rd shift and it is PERFECT. I would honestly be happy if he never switched shifts again.
We have started the home buying process so by this time next year we may have a house.
Goshen is our home church. We are even involved!! Brad is an usher and I help with the Childrens Church Program. Brycen even goes on Wednesday nights.
I guess I never realized just how much had changed in the last couple years.
Another big thing that has changed? As I sit here writing this blog, I have laundry going, there are only a few dishes in my sink, the kids room and our room are clean, the bathrooms are clean, the van is clean, meat is thawing in the refrigerator for supper tonight.
In the last 2 years, we have grown up! Become responsible!! Is our house in perfect condition? HECK NO. Would CPS take our kids away if they came knocking on the door though and saw their living environment? Nope :)
We have found routine.
That was something that has been missing with us from day 1.
We have a schedule.
And that all stems from having 3 semi well behaved children.
Brycen is currently at school and the girls are sitting on the floor coloring. Brad is fast asleep upstairs. The only noise right now is the music channel blarring on our tv.
This is life now.
Is it still tough? ABSOLUTELY
Am I still always exhausted? ABSOLUTELY
Do I still have melt downs? ALMOST WEEKLY
Do I still forget to shower everyday? YOU BETCHA
I can deal with all of that though. Im 25, going on 6 years of marriage with my best friend at the end of the month (WOW!) 3 AMAZING children, great friends, amazing family, loving church family.
I do believe I am winning this game called LIFE :)
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Closing a chapter
Tomorrow is dads last day at the church.
I know that.
I know there is a big celebration during the worship service and then a carry in.
I know that tomorrow will probably be my last time attending Milford 1st Brethren Church.
I KNOW all of this.
But, it hasn't really clicked.
Like, its so much more than just dads last Sunday.
This is it.
I will no longer drive by the church and see dads car there and stop to chitchat with him.
I will no longer be able to just go in a make a copy of something or borrow a table.
I will no longer know what is going on with people in the church because I know longer will have a connection with them.
Sure, there are a few familys that nothing will change with.
I will not lose Grandma Lois
The chupps
The strubes
But ya know what? Thats probably it.
I didn't really have an outside of the church relationship with anyone else.
How sad it that??
I guess I never really thought I had to though.
I knew I would see people every week.
I knew that if something was going on in their lives I would find out about it.
That connection....gone.
The hardest connection to lose is going to be for Brycen.
He will lose Miss Barb.
He LOVES Miss Barb.
He has always done so well at going to Sunday School.
He gets the biggest smile on his face when he see's her.
Yes, we go to Goshen church now but we still popped over to Milford every once in awhile.
How do you explain to an almost 4 year old that one of his favorite people outside of sunday school, he will no longer see.
Sure, I know the church will still be there and we will still be able to attend on occasion but I'm just not sure I could go back.
Its not my church.
It's not my dad upfront.
It's weird
Its weird as it is to go to another Brethren church where dad isn't the pastor.
How could I ever go to dads old church?
I mean, after the service I usually stand by the back wall near dad and shake peoples hands.
Pretty sure the new pastor would be creeped out if I did that.
I always put my coat in the secretarys office.
If I need money for the pop machine, I would take it out of dads office.
Brycen plays in dads office after the service.
Yea, the new pastor may frown on all of that.
Tomorrow, everything changes.
Its a very strange feeling knowing that something big is about to happen in your life.
Its almost like I have butterflies in my stomach.
I can't imagine how it must feel for the rest of the family.
But, in a way, it may actually be an easy transition for them.
For steph and josh, Milford church is their home.
YES it is going to be weird for them.
But, they both hold leadership position.
Mom and dad may be leaving but they aren't losing Milford.
For mom and dad, yes, Milford was their home.
Their church family
Infact, some of the congregation became as close as family.
But, it was also a job.
This job is over, and its time to move on to a new one.
They are going to start at a new church, meet new people, develop new relationships
But at the same time, they will still have the people of Milford.
They may lose contact with a few but for the most part, they will keep the ones that have made a big impact on them.
Everyone still has connections.
I just feel like I don't.
Going to Milford wasn't my job. Yet, I never made the effort to get involved.
I regret that now
It wasn't my job yet I think I just always played the pastors daughter role.
Now, we go to Goshen.
I want to get involved.
I NEED to get involved.
And slowly I am.
Even if it is just a Sunday school.
Thats one thing I have committed to.
And, as time goes, I will commit to more.
And honestly, that may be easier to do now.
When your dad is the pastor of a church 15 miles away, its very easy to hop back and forth.
Its very easy to go to his church for special occasions and holidays.
Its very easy to go to so Brycen can see Barb
Now, Goshen is it.
Will we go to dads new church when he finds one?
Sure.
Will it be as much as we went to Milford?
No.
I don't handle change well.
And this just seems like a big change.
I am pretty sure tomorrow is going to be pretty rough.
I know its a celebration, but its also an end to something very big.
Its the end to the last 17 years of my life...
I know that.
I know there is a big celebration during the worship service and then a carry in.
I know that tomorrow will probably be my last time attending Milford 1st Brethren Church.
I KNOW all of this.
But, it hasn't really clicked.
Like, its so much more than just dads last Sunday.
This is it.
I will no longer drive by the church and see dads car there and stop to chitchat with him.
I will no longer be able to just go in a make a copy of something or borrow a table.
I will no longer know what is going on with people in the church because I know longer will have a connection with them.
Sure, there are a few familys that nothing will change with.
I will not lose Grandma Lois
The chupps
The strubes
But ya know what? Thats probably it.
I didn't really have an outside of the church relationship with anyone else.
How sad it that??
I guess I never really thought I had to though.
I knew I would see people every week.
I knew that if something was going on in their lives I would find out about it.
That connection....gone.
The hardest connection to lose is going to be for Brycen.
He will lose Miss Barb.
He LOVES Miss Barb.
He has always done so well at going to Sunday School.
He gets the biggest smile on his face when he see's her.
Yes, we go to Goshen church now but we still popped over to Milford every once in awhile.
How do you explain to an almost 4 year old that one of his favorite people outside of sunday school, he will no longer see.
Sure, I know the church will still be there and we will still be able to attend on occasion but I'm just not sure I could go back.
Its not my church.
It's not my dad upfront.
It's weird
Its weird as it is to go to another Brethren church where dad isn't the pastor.
How could I ever go to dads old church?
I mean, after the service I usually stand by the back wall near dad and shake peoples hands.
Pretty sure the new pastor would be creeped out if I did that.
I always put my coat in the secretarys office.
If I need money for the pop machine, I would take it out of dads office.
Brycen plays in dads office after the service.
Yea, the new pastor may frown on all of that.
Tomorrow, everything changes.
Its a very strange feeling knowing that something big is about to happen in your life.
Its almost like I have butterflies in my stomach.
I can't imagine how it must feel for the rest of the family.
But, in a way, it may actually be an easy transition for them.
For steph and josh, Milford church is their home.
YES it is going to be weird for them.
But, they both hold leadership position.
Mom and dad may be leaving but they aren't losing Milford.
For mom and dad, yes, Milford was their home.
Their church family
Infact, some of the congregation became as close as family.
But, it was also a job.
This job is over, and its time to move on to a new one.
They are going to start at a new church, meet new people, develop new relationships
But at the same time, they will still have the people of Milford.
They may lose contact with a few but for the most part, they will keep the ones that have made a big impact on them.
Everyone still has connections.
I just feel like I don't.
Going to Milford wasn't my job. Yet, I never made the effort to get involved.
I regret that now
It wasn't my job yet I think I just always played the pastors daughter role.
Now, we go to Goshen.
I want to get involved.
I NEED to get involved.
And slowly I am.
Even if it is just a Sunday school.
Thats one thing I have committed to.
And, as time goes, I will commit to more.
And honestly, that may be easier to do now.
When your dad is the pastor of a church 15 miles away, its very easy to hop back and forth.
Its very easy to go to his church for special occasions and holidays.
Its very easy to go to so Brycen can see Barb
Now, Goshen is it.
Will we go to dads new church when he finds one?
Sure.
Will it be as much as we went to Milford?
No.
I don't handle change well.
And this just seems like a big change.
I am pretty sure tomorrow is going to be pretty rough.
I know its a celebration, but its also an end to something very big.
Its the end to the last 17 years of my life...
Thursday, December 22, 2011
2011
Its been a good year.
Infact, its been a great year.
I think the reason is because it was a perfectly normal year. This is the 1st normal year we have had.
2007-got married, pregnant, lost my job
2008- had Brycen, Brad unemployed, seperated
2009- moved, Brad unemployed, miscarriage
2010- had the twins, moved
2011-
We didn't have to move. We added no more kids. Brad stayed at Choretime.
This is our 1st year as a married couple that we got to see what the future is going to be like. Brad working, me at home with the 3 little ones. Brads job is very secure and that has been a HUGE relief. We will move again? O, probably. Who knows when though. Add more kids? HECK NO. This is going to be our life and I am pumped about it.
Also, this year Brad made a HUGE accomplishment. He hit the $50k mark for the 1st time in his life. How awesome is he?? When we got married we were living in a cement basement making about $15k. We were constantly getting our phones shut off and bill collectors were calling daily. We would overdraft our bank account almost weekly. Lack of money caused a lot of issues. But, looking back, it was something we needed to go through. We learned how to survive on nothing. We learned from the start that bills needed to come before everything. We got used to not going out a lot and spending money on fancy meals and going to the movies. We learned how to enjoy life on a small amount of money.
Now, we aren't hurting for money. But, we remember what it was like and refuse to let it go back to that. Brad is incharge of our finances and does an amazing job. Our lifestyle hasn't really changed. We do spoil the kids more than we used to be able to but we make sure we still live within our means.
It's just nice to be able to stand on our own feet. We were very blessed by Brad's mom and my parents and friends and extended family early in our marriage. Everyone helped us out. Its a great feeling now that we can help others out. There is no way we can ever show just how much we appreciated everyones help.
2011 is a year that we can always look back on and say "THAT was our year. THAT was the year we grew up. THAT was the year we started figuring things out."
I would have never pictured my life like this. God answered so many prayers and is continually answering prayers every day.
I already know that 2012 is going to different. Mom and dad are moving. I'm not handling that well. That is going to make life SO different but it doesnt have to be a bad different. It's going to be great for them. It may be good for us to because that will allow me to lean even more on my husband.
2012 may be different but I have a feeling its going to be a good year too.
Infact, its been a great year.
I think the reason is because it was a perfectly normal year. This is the 1st normal year we have had.
2007-got married, pregnant, lost my job
2008- had Brycen, Brad unemployed, seperated
2009- moved, Brad unemployed, miscarriage
2010- had the twins, moved
2011-
We didn't have to move. We added no more kids. Brad stayed at Choretime.
This is our 1st year as a married couple that we got to see what the future is going to be like. Brad working, me at home with the 3 little ones. Brads job is very secure and that has been a HUGE relief. We will move again? O, probably. Who knows when though. Add more kids? HECK NO. This is going to be our life and I am pumped about it.
Also, this year Brad made a HUGE accomplishment. He hit the $50k mark for the 1st time in his life. How awesome is he?? When we got married we were living in a cement basement making about $15k. We were constantly getting our phones shut off and bill collectors were calling daily. We would overdraft our bank account almost weekly. Lack of money caused a lot of issues. But, looking back, it was something we needed to go through. We learned how to survive on nothing. We learned from the start that bills needed to come before everything. We got used to not going out a lot and spending money on fancy meals and going to the movies. We learned how to enjoy life on a small amount of money.
Now, we aren't hurting for money. But, we remember what it was like and refuse to let it go back to that. Brad is incharge of our finances and does an amazing job. Our lifestyle hasn't really changed. We do spoil the kids more than we used to be able to but we make sure we still live within our means.
It's just nice to be able to stand on our own feet. We were very blessed by Brad's mom and my parents and friends and extended family early in our marriage. Everyone helped us out. Its a great feeling now that we can help others out. There is no way we can ever show just how much we appreciated everyones help.
2011 is a year that we can always look back on and say "THAT was our year. THAT was the year we grew up. THAT was the year we started figuring things out."
I would have never pictured my life like this. God answered so many prayers and is continually answering prayers every day.
I already know that 2012 is going to different. Mom and dad are moving. I'm not handling that well. That is going to make life SO different but it doesnt have to be a bad different. It's going to be great for them. It may be good for us to because that will allow me to lean even more on my husband.
2012 may be different but I have a feeling its going to be a good year too.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
A simple family picture
Growing up we always hear
"God has a plan"
"Trust God"
"God doesn't make mistakes"
Its very reassuring.
Usually these phrases are used at a time in your life that your feeling down, overwhelmed, or when something has happened.
I was going through my facebook pictures, and these phrases popped into my head while I was looking a picture of my amazing family.
"God doesn't make mistakes"
"Trust God"
"God has a plan"
How cool is it that God has had a plan for my life before I was even thought of.
How blessed am I that God chose ME to be Brad's wife, and the kids mom.
God handpicked me to raise Brycen, Braylee, and Braycee. He decided that I was strong enough, smart enough, capable enough to be in charge of these 3 little lives.
Out of all the people in the world, he knew it would be Brad and I.
We started out living in a cement basement and now look where we are at. He had a plan for us. All along he was whispering "Trust in me"
So, looking at the family picture, I was able to see just how awesome God really is and just how much God knows I am capable of.
Its very reassuring...
"God has a plan"
"Trust God"
"God doesn't make mistakes"
Its very reassuring.
Usually these phrases are used at a time in your life that your feeling down, overwhelmed, or when something has happened.
I was going through my facebook pictures, and these phrases popped into my head while I was looking a picture of my amazing family.
"God doesn't make mistakes"
"Trust God"
"God has a plan"
How cool is it that God has had a plan for my life before I was even thought of.
How blessed am I that God chose ME to be Brad's wife, and the kids mom.
God handpicked me to raise Brycen, Braylee, and Braycee. He decided that I was strong enough, smart enough, capable enough to be in charge of these 3 little lives.
Out of all the people in the world, he knew it would be Brad and I.
We started out living in a cement basement and now look where we are at. He had a plan for us. All along he was whispering "Trust in me"
So, looking at the family picture, I was able to see just how awesome God really is and just how much God knows I am capable of.
Its very reassuring...
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