Closing a chapter

Tomorrow is dads last day at the church.
I know that.
I know there is a big celebration during the worship service and then a carry in.
I know that tomorrow will probably be my last time attending Milford 1st Brethren Church.
I KNOW all of this.
But, it hasn't really clicked.
Like, its so much more than just dads last Sunday.
This is it.
I will no longer drive by the church and see dads car there and stop to chitchat with him.
I will no longer be able to just go in a make a copy of something or borrow a table.
I will no longer know what is going on with people in the church because I know longer will have a connection with them.
Sure, there are a few familys that nothing will change with.
I will not lose Grandma Lois
The chupps
The strubes

But ya know what? Thats probably it.
I didn't really have an outside of the church relationship with anyone else.
How sad it that??
I guess I never really thought I had to though.
I knew I would see people every week.
I knew that if something was going on in their lives I would find out about it.
That connection....gone.

The hardest connection to lose is going to be for Brycen.
He will lose Miss Barb.
He LOVES Miss Barb.
He has always done so well at going to Sunday School.
He gets the biggest smile on his face when he see's her.
Yes, we go to Goshen church now but we still popped over to Milford every once in awhile.
How do you explain to an almost 4 year old that one of his favorite people outside of sunday school, he will no longer see.

Sure, I know the church will still be there and we will still be able to attend on occasion but I'm just not sure I could go back.
Its not my church.
It's not my dad upfront.
It's weird

Its weird as it is to go to another Brethren church where dad isn't the pastor.
How could I ever go to dads old church?

I mean, after the service I usually stand by the back wall near dad and shake peoples hands.
Pretty sure the new pastor would be creeped out if I did that.
I always put my coat in the secretarys office.
If I need money for the pop machine, I would take it out of dads office.
Brycen plays in dads office after the service.

Yea, the new pastor may frown on all of that.

Tomorrow, everything changes.
Its a very strange feeling knowing that something big is about to happen in your life.
Its almost like I have butterflies in my stomach.
I can't imagine how it must feel for the rest of the family.
But, in a way, it may actually be an easy transition for them.

For steph and josh, Milford church is their home.
YES it is going to be weird for them.
But, they both hold leadership position.
Mom and dad may be leaving but they aren't losing Milford.

For mom and dad, yes, Milford was their home.
Their church family
Infact, some of the congregation became as close as family.
But, it was also a job.
This job is over, and its time to move on to a new one.
They are going to start at a new church, meet new people, develop new relationships
But at the same time, they will still have the people of Milford.
They may lose contact with a few but for the most part, they will keep the ones that have made a big impact on them.

Everyone still has connections.
I just feel like I don't.
Going to Milford wasn't my job. Yet, I never made the effort to get involved.
I regret that now
It wasn't my job yet I think I just always played the pastors daughter role.

Now, we go to Goshen.
I want to get involved.
I NEED to get involved.
And slowly I am.
Even if it is just a Sunday school.
Thats one thing I have committed to.
And, as time goes, I will commit to more.
And honestly, that may be easier to do now.

When your dad is the pastor of a church 15 miles away, its very easy to hop back and forth.
Its very easy to go to his church for special occasions and holidays.
Its very easy to go to so Brycen can see Barb

Now, Goshen is it.
Will we go to dads new church when he finds one?
Sure.
Will it be as much as we went to Milford?
No.

I don't handle change well.
And this just seems like a big change.

I am pretty sure tomorrow is going to be pretty rough.
I know its a celebration, but its also an end to something very big.

Its the end to the last 17 years of my life...

2011

Its been a good year.
Infact, its been a great year.

I think the reason is because it was a perfectly normal year. This is the 1st normal year we have had.
2007-got married, pregnant, lost my job
2008- had Brycen, Brad unemployed, seperated
2009- moved, Brad unemployed, miscarriage
2010- had the twins, moved
2011-

We didn't have to move. We added no more kids. Brad stayed at Choretime.
This is our 1st year as a married couple that we got to see what the future is going to be like. Brad working, me at home with the 3 little ones. Brads job is very secure and that has been a HUGE relief. We will move again? O, probably. Who knows when though. Add more kids? HECK NO. This is going to be our life and I am pumped about it.

Also, this year Brad made a HUGE accomplishment. He hit the $50k mark for the 1st time in his life. How awesome is he?? When we got married we were living in a cement basement making about $15k. We were constantly getting our phones shut off and bill collectors were calling daily. We would overdraft our bank account almost weekly. Lack of money caused a lot of issues. But, looking back, it was something we needed to go through. We learned how to survive on nothing. We learned from the start that bills needed to come before everything. We got used to not going out a lot and spending money on fancy meals and going to the movies. We learned how to enjoy life on a small amount of money.
Now, we aren't hurting for money. But, we remember what it was like and refuse to let it go back to that. Brad is incharge of our finances and does an amazing job. Our lifestyle hasn't really changed. We do spoil the kids more than we used to be able to but we make sure we still live within our means.
It's just nice to be able to stand on our own feet. We were very blessed by Brad's mom and my parents and friends and extended family early in our marriage. Everyone helped us out. Its a great feeling now that we can help others out. There is no way we can ever show just how much we appreciated everyones help.

2011 is a year that we can always look back on and say "THAT was our year. THAT was the year we grew up. THAT was the year we started figuring things out."

I would have never pictured my life like this. God answered so many prayers and is continually answering prayers every day.

I already know that 2012 is going to different. Mom and dad are moving. I'm not handling that well. That is going to make life SO different but it doesnt have to be a bad different. It's going to be great for them. It may be good for us to because that will allow me to lean even more on my husband.

2012 may be different but I have a feeling its going to be a good year too.

A simple family picture

Growing up we always hear

"God has a plan"
"Trust God"
"God doesn't make mistakes"

Its very reassuring.

Usually these phrases are used at a time in your life that your feeling down, overwhelmed, or when something has happened.

I was going through my facebook pictures, and these phrases popped into my head while I was looking a picture of my amazing family.
"God doesn't make mistakes"
"Trust God"
"God has a plan"

How cool is it that God has had a plan for my life before I was even thought of.
How blessed am I that God chose ME to be Brad's wife, and the kids mom.
God handpicked me to raise Brycen, Braylee, and Braycee. He decided that I was strong enough, smart enough, capable enough to be in charge of these 3 little lives.

Out of all the people in the world, he knew it would be Brad and I.

We started out living in a cement basement and now look where we are at. He had a plan for us. All along he was whispering "Trust in me"

So, looking at the family picture, I was able to see just how awesome God really is and just how much God knows I am capable of.

Its very reassuring...

And just like that...

Sunday morning my alarms went off at 7:30 and I jumped right out of bed to go bring them downstairs. We had breakfast, we got dressed and we were to Goshen 1st Brethren by 8:50am. By 8:52 I had already been given 3 hugs and it felt wonderful. We actually felt missed and that is an incredible feeling to have. We dropped the girls in the nursery and headed towards the sanctuary. More hugs, more handshakes, more "it's so nice to see you". We picked out a seat and the service began. Pdrex got up to announce it was time to meet and greet and the first words out of his mouth were "Brad and Britt are here today, along with Brycen and Braylee and Braycee" And then people came up and we got more handshakes and hugs....
The time came for the children's sermon and Brycen ran right up front. It was his very first children sermon at this church. Howie was caught a bit off guard and made the comment about how weird it was because Brycen was his first "youth kid" to be upfront *howie was brads youth leader growing up*
After the service, we went to pick up the girls from the nursery and were told they were bringing in reinforcements for the Sunday School hour and that they would be in good hands. We took Brycen to Sunday school and found out they were ringing bells next week and he gets to be a part of it.
More hugs, more handshakes and we went up to Sunday School. We jumped right in.
and it felt RIGHT
After the service we went to eat with the Parkers and we got caught up on each others lives and just like that, we were back....

There was no trying to fit in.
There was no uncomfortableness.
There was no guilty feeling for going to a different Brethren Church.

It felt right.
It felt good.
It felt like home.

Isn't that EXACTLY how church is supposed to feel?

Is it going to be extremely difficult to no longer be a part of Milford 1st Brethren church?
YES
Is it going to be super weird not having my dad be my pastor?
YES
Did God make is SUPER easy to find a new church family though?
YES
Is this EXACTLY what our family needs right now?
YES

I got a very insightful email from another pastor's daughter who has gone through a similiar situation, her dad leaving his church after several years and she said how God works in seasons and at times, things must come to an end but God has something better waiting for us.

I really believe thats true. I really think God has great things planned for Mom and Dad and Steph and Josh and for Brad and I.
I can't wait to see what it is!!

"O, your ___________'s kid"

When I was born I was given the identity of Brittany. When I was 5, I gained another identity. I gained the identity of Billy's kid. It usually just was said on Sunday mornings during church. Then, as I grew up and was old enough to start attending camp, conference, retreats, really anything that pertained to the Brethren Church, my identity of "Billy's kid" followed me wherever I want.
The conversation always went the same
"So, what church are you from?"
"My dad is the pastor at Milford 1st Brethren"
"O, your Billy's kid!"

Or I would be introduced.
"This is Brittany. Her dad is Billy. you know, Billy Hesketh right?"

Then when I got older I started to go to Goshen Church. Even there. The question would come up
"So, what church did you come from?"
"O, my dad actually preaches at Milford 1st Brethren"
"Ok, so your dad is Billy"

There are numerous different conversations that have taken place in life that always ended up with
"O, your Billy's kid"

And you know what, that used to bug me. I would have LOVED to me known for me. That people would know who I was without being linked to someone else.

But, Sunday, when dad announced his resignation, all I could think of is......now who am I?

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my identity of
"Brittany. wife of Brad. mother of the Brosamer Kids" Forever and for always I get that identity. But, its hard to lose a part of yourself that you have had for almost 20 years.

I don't have any role at Milford. We started going to another church on occasion back in July. We didn't go weekly. Infact, we kind of split it 50/50. But now, once dad leaves, I don't have a reason to go back to Milford. Steph and Josh are in charge of a lot at Milford so although it may be hard for them to continue there, they at least have a place.

We don't

I can't go back to my dads church when it is no longer his church. Does that mean I am going to lose all of those connections?

I know I will never lose the chupps connection. But, what about everyone else?
I went to the church for 17 years. Granted, I did go to Goshen 1st Brethren for awhile, but I still went to Milford events and the occasional Sunday. But I'm pretty sure those days will be over once dad is gone.
Milford congregation is like family.
and now the family is.....gone? Just like that??
So, I lose my identity as Billy's kid and then I lose people who I have grown up with

Not only that but now I have to grow up. I HAVE to get myself involved in a new church. Not just GO to another church but actually get INVOLVED with another church. I was given a great church family to grow up with. My kids deserve the same.
That starts all sorts of new questions. I really like the church we are going to now. Its big, its contemporary, a great childrens program for Brycen and then for the girls as they grow up but I need to decide if that is the type of church I want my children to know as their home church. Is that a church that I can go get involved with, go to events, maybe even serve on a ministry? I need to grow up and become a member of a church. My role up to this point has been pastors kid. I went to things because I was the pastors daughter. I don't have that attachment anymore.

I know where I need to go. I think I have known all along. Time to grow up and take the jump.

Our Walmart & McDonald's day :)

Brad has been on 2nd shift for 3 months now. It's an amazing opportunity for him. It was a job promotion that put him on this shift and we decided it would be totally worth it for him to work 2nd shift for a few years now so he could get the set up job on 1st shift once the guy retires and the kids are in school and it looks like ChoreTime could be the place he retires from.

75% of the time, it works for us. We are night people so we are able to hang out once he gets home and the kids LOVE daddy being home in the mornings when they wake up.

Then, the other 25% of the time, its kind of hard. The evenings are when the kids are a bit more rowdy and its a nightmare feeding 3 kids supper, giving 3 kids baths, and fighting 3 kids to go to bed. Sometimes I feel like I never see my husband and we never see people because we can longer go out with anyone.

No matter what kind of week we are having, whether it be the 75% week or the 25% week, when Thursday hits, life is perfect.

Thursday is Walmart and Mcdonalds day.

Every Thursday we pack up the kids and head to Goshen to go to walmart. We do grocery shopping and each of the kids get a toy and Brad and I each get a little something. Its an hour to enjoy the money brad works so hard for. Some weeks its small things like a new pillow *that was today* and other weeks its bigger expenses like a wall mount. Brycen can either pick out a movie or a toy and he spends SO much time decided what the perfect thing would be "this week was a flashlight"

Then, after we leave Walmart we head down the street to McDonalds. We complain every week because the line is so stinken long yet still, every Thursday, we have McDonalds for lunch.

Its nothing special. It's nothing fancy. But, its a family outing....all 5 of us. I love how excited Brycen gets wednesday night when i put him to bed and tell him when he wakes up we will go to walmart. There have been a few weeks where we don't even really NEED anything, yet we still go.

Its days like today that kind of slaps me in the face to remind me, its because of Brads job, and the shift he works that makes this outing so special. We are so blessed that we are able to do this. How dare I complain how hard it is on me when Brad is the one who has to be away from his family 7 evenings a week. He does that so I can see my kids all day everyday. He does that so we have money to pay our bills and still have money left over to go to walmart....and McDonalds.

One of those tough decisions....

We have been trying for the last several months to convince ourselves that Brycen is an everyday typical 3 year old. Lately though, we are really starting to question it. He has always been a very hyper child. He doesn't need a whole lot of sleep and he is go go go from morning till night. We had really hoped it would be a phase he would grow out of. Well, he has now started to add in another "issue" He is starting to throw temper tantrums. And not just every now and though throwing a toy or yelling and kicking. This is everyday, he throws things, kicks walls, hits himself into walls. He is becoming very destructive. On Sunday he threw a minor one of these "fits" over at mom and dads house and I just lost it. This was the 1st time he has done it outside of the home and mom and dad are the only people to have witnessed it. We sat down and talked and even they agree that this is not normal behavior. I have called the dr office and was told that there really isn't a test to be done on children for a.d.d. or a.d.h.d. Infact, there are several drs who don't acknowledge it as an issue in kids. I was told to start putting him on a strict schedule and see if that works so today will be day one. To start a strict schedule from morning till night would be very difficult to handle so right now I am just trying evening. From 6pm on, things are going to start going by clock work. Supper, play time, bathtime, snacktime, and bedtime. Once we can get on an evening schedule then I hope I can start putting in a morning schedule.

A big decision that we need to make though is if we just let him go or if this is something that we really need to look into to. Part of me says we have GOT to get this under control now before we have major issues by the time school starts but then another part of me wonders if he truely is just a normal 3 year old and its just a phase.

The next few days I will be doing a lot of research on behavior issues in children and see if we should be concerned.

Anyone that knows Brycen knows that he is a very active child, bouncing off the walls all hours of the day and night. If it could have just stayed that way, I could deal with that. But, the sleep issues and now the fits, I'm afraid what could come next or how bad things could get.