Sunday morning my alarms went off at 7:30 and I jumped right out of bed to go bring them downstairs. We had breakfast, we got dressed and we were to Goshen 1st Brethren by 8:50am. By 8:52 I had already been given 3 hugs and it felt wonderful. We actually felt missed and that is an incredible feeling to have. We dropped the girls in the nursery and headed towards the sanctuary. More hugs, more handshakes, more "it's so nice to see you". We picked out a seat and the service began. Pdrex got up to announce it was time to meet and greet and the first words out of his mouth were "Brad and Britt are here today, along with Brycen and Braylee and Braycee" And then people came up and we got more handshakes and hugs....
The time came for the children's sermon and Brycen ran right up front. It was his very first children sermon at this church. Howie was caught a bit off guard and made the comment about how weird it was because Brycen was his first "youth kid" to be upfront *howie was brads youth leader growing up*
After the service, we went to pick up the girls from the nursery and were told they were bringing in reinforcements for the Sunday School hour and that they would be in good hands. We took Brycen to Sunday school and found out they were ringing bells next week and he gets to be a part of it.
More hugs, more handshakes and we went up to Sunday School. We jumped right in.
and it felt RIGHT
After the service we went to eat with the Parkers and we got caught up on each others lives and just like that, we were back....
There was no trying to fit in.
There was no uncomfortableness.
There was no guilty feeling for going to a different Brethren Church.
It felt right.
It felt good.
It felt like home.
Isn't that EXACTLY how church is supposed to feel?
Is it going to be extremely difficult to no longer be a part of Milford 1st Brethren church?
YES
Is it going to be super weird not having my dad be my pastor?
YES
Did God make is SUPER easy to find a new church family though?
YES
Is this EXACTLY what our family needs right now?
YES
I got a very insightful email from another pastor's daughter who has gone through a similiar situation, her dad leaving his church after several years and she said how God works in seasons and at times, things must come to an end but God has something better waiting for us.
I really believe thats true. I really think God has great things planned for Mom and Dad and Steph and Josh and for Brad and I.
I can't wait to see what it is!!
Monday, November 21, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
"O, your ___________'s kid"
When I was born I was given the identity of Brittany. When I was 5, I gained another identity. I gained the identity of Billy's kid. It usually just was said on Sunday mornings during church. Then, as I grew up and was old enough to start attending camp, conference, retreats, really anything that pertained to the Brethren Church, my identity of "Billy's kid" followed me wherever I want.
The conversation always went the same
"So, what church are you from?"
"My dad is the pastor at Milford 1st Brethren"
"O, your Billy's kid!"
Or I would be introduced.
"This is Brittany. Her dad is Billy. you know, Billy Hesketh right?"
Then when I got older I started to go to Goshen Church. Even there. The question would come up
"So, what church did you come from?"
"O, my dad actually preaches at Milford 1st Brethren"
"Ok, so your dad is Billy"
There are numerous different conversations that have taken place in life that always ended up with
"O, your Billy's kid"
And you know what, that used to bug me. I would have LOVED to me known for me. That people would know who I was without being linked to someone else.
But, Sunday, when dad announced his resignation, all I could think of is......now who am I?
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my identity of
"Brittany. wife of Brad. mother of the Brosamer Kids" Forever and for always I get that identity. But, its hard to lose a part of yourself that you have had for almost 20 years.
I don't have any role at Milford. We started going to another church on occasion back in July. We didn't go weekly. Infact, we kind of split it 50/50. But now, once dad leaves, I don't have a reason to go back to Milford. Steph and Josh are in charge of a lot at Milford so although it may be hard for them to continue there, they at least have a place.
We don't
I can't go back to my dads church when it is no longer his church. Does that mean I am going to lose all of those connections?
I know I will never lose the chupps connection. But, what about everyone else?
I went to the church for 17 years. Granted, I did go to Goshen 1st Brethren for awhile, but I still went to Milford events and the occasional Sunday. But I'm pretty sure those days will be over once dad is gone.
Milford congregation is like family.
and now the family is.....gone? Just like that??
So, I lose my identity as Billy's kid and then I lose people who I have grown up with
Not only that but now I have to grow up. I HAVE to get myself involved in a new church. Not just GO to another church but actually get INVOLVED with another church. I was given a great church family to grow up with. My kids deserve the same.
That starts all sorts of new questions. I really like the church we are going to now. Its big, its contemporary, a great childrens program for Brycen and then for the girls as they grow up but I need to decide if that is the type of church I want my children to know as their home church. Is that a church that I can go get involved with, go to events, maybe even serve on a ministry? I need to grow up and become a member of a church. My role up to this point has been pastors kid. I went to things because I was the pastors daughter. I don't have that attachment anymore.
I know where I need to go. I think I have known all along. Time to grow up and take the jump.
The conversation always went the same
"So, what church are you from?"
"My dad is the pastor at Milford 1st Brethren"
"O, your Billy's kid!"
Or I would be introduced.
"This is Brittany. Her dad is Billy. you know, Billy Hesketh right?"
Then when I got older I started to go to Goshen Church. Even there. The question would come up
"So, what church did you come from?"
"O, my dad actually preaches at Milford 1st Brethren"
"Ok, so your dad is Billy"
There are numerous different conversations that have taken place in life that always ended up with
"O, your Billy's kid"
And you know what, that used to bug me. I would have LOVED to me known for me. That people would know who I was without being linked to someone else.
But, Sunday, when dad announced his resignation, all I could think of is......now who am I?
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my identity of
"Brittany. wife of Brad. mother of the Brosamer Kids" Forever and for always I get that identity. But, its hard to lose a part of yourself that you have had for almost 20 years.
I don't have any role at Milford. We started going to another church on occasion back in July. We didn't go weekly. Infact, we kind of split it 50/50. But now, once dad leaves, I don't have a reason to go back to Milford. Steph and Josh are in charge of a lot at Milford so although it may be hard for them to continue there, they at least have a place.
We don't
I can't go back to my dads church when it is no longer his church. Does that mean I am going to lose all of those connections?
I know I will never lose the chupps connection. But, what about everyone else?
I went to the church for 17 years. Granted, I did go to Goshen 1st Brethren for awhile, but I still went to Milford events and the occasional Sunday. But I'm pretty sure those days will be over once dad is gone.
Milford congregation is like family.
and now the family is.....gone? Just like that??
So, I lose my identity as Billy's kid and then I lose people who I have grown up with
Not only that but now I have to grow up. I HAVE to get myself involved in a new church. Not just GO to another church but actually get INVOLVED with another church. I was given a great church family to grow up with. My kids deserve the same.
That starts all sorts of new questions. I really like the church we are going to now. Its big, its contemporary, a great childrens program for Brycen and then for the girls as they grow up but I need to decide if that is the type of church I want my children to know as their home church. Is that a church that I can go get involved with, go to events, maybe even serve on a ministry? I need to grow up and become a member of a church. My role up to this point has been pastors kid. I went to things because I was the pastors daughter. I don't have that attachment anymore.
I know where I need to go. I think I have known all along. Time to grow up and take the jump.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Our Walmart & McDonald's day :)
Brad has been on 2nd shift for 3 months now. It's an amazing opportunity for him. It was a job promotion that put him on this shift and we decided it would be totally worth it for him to work 2nd shift for a few years now so he could get the set up job on 1st shift once the guy retires and the kids are in school and it looks like ChoreTime could be the place he retires from.
75% of the time, it works for us. We are night people so we are able to hang out once he gets home and the kids LOVE daddy being home in the mornings when they wake up.
Then, the other 25% of the time, its kind of hard. The evenings are when the kids are a bit more rowdy and its a nightmare feeding 3 kids supper, giving 3 kids baths, and fighting 3 kids to go to bed. Sometimes I feel like I never see my husband and we never see people because we can longer go out with anyone.
No matter what kind of week we are having, whether it be the 75% week or the 25% week, when Thursday hits, life is perfect.
Thursday is Walmart and Mcdonalds day.
Every Thursday we pack up the kids and head to Goshen to go to walmart. We do grocery shopping and each of the kids get a toy and Brad and I each get a little something. Its an hour to enjoy the money brad works so hard for. Some weeks its small things like a new pillow *that was today* and other weeks its bigger expenses like a wall mount. Brycen can either pick out a movie or a toy and he spends SO much time decided what the perfect thing would be "this week was a flashlight"
Then, after we leave Walmart we head down the street to McDonalds. We complain every week because the line is so stinken long yet still, every Thursday, we have McDonalds for lunch.
Its nothing special. It's nothing fancy. But, its a family outing....all 5 of us. I love how excited Brycen gets wednesday night when i put him to bed and tell him when he wakes up we will go to walmart. There have been a few weeks where we don't even really NEED anything, yet we still go.
Its days like today that kind of slaps me in the face to remind me, its because of Brads job, and the shift he works that makes this outing so special. We are so blessed that we are able to do this. How dare I complain how hard it is on me when Brad is the one who has to be away from his family 7 evenings a week. He does that so I can see my kids all day everyday. He does that so we have money to pay our bills and still have money left over to go to walmart....and McDonalds.
75% of the time, it works for us. We are night people so we are able to hang out once he gets home and the kids LOVE daddy being home in the mornings when they wake up.
Then, the other 25% of the time, its kind of hard. The evenings are when the kids are a bit more rowdy and its a nightmare feeding 3 kids supper, giving 3 kids baths, and fighting 3 kids to go to bed. Sometimes I feel like I never see my husband and we never see people because we can longer go out with anyone.
No matter what kind of week we are having, whether it be the 75% week or the 25% week, when Thursday hits, life is perfect.
Thursday is Walmart and Mcdonalds day.
Every Thursday we pack up the kids and head to Goshen to go to walmart. We do grocery shopping and each of the kids get a toy and Brad and I each get a little something. Its an hour to enjoy the money brad works so hard for. Some weeks its small things like a new pillow *that was today* and other weeks its bigger expenses like a wall mount. Brycen can either pick out a movie or a toy and he spends SO much time decided what the perfect thing would be "this week was a flashlight"
Then, after we leave Walmart we head down the street to McDonalds. We complain every week because the line is so stinken long yet still, every Thursday, we have McDonalds for lunch.
Its nothing special. It's nothing fancy. But, its a family outing....all 5 of us. I love how excited Brycen gets wednesday night when i put him to bed and tell him when he wakes up we will go to walmart. There have been a few weeks where we don't even really NEED anything, yet we still go.
Its days like today that kind of slaps me in the face to remind me, its because of Brads job, and the shift he works that makes this outing so special. We are so blessed that we are able to do this. How dare I complain how hard it is on me when Brad is the one who has to be away from his family 7 evenings a week. He does that so I can see my kids all day everyday. He does that so we have money to pay our bills and still have money left over to go to walmart....and McDonalds.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
One of those tough decisions....
We have been trying for the last several months to convince ourselves that Brycen is an everyday typical 3 year old. Lately though, we are really starting to question it. He has always been a very hyper child. He doesn't need a whole lot of sleep and he is go go go from morning till night. We had really hoped it would be a phase he would grow out of. Well, he has now started to add in another "issue" He is starting to throw temper tantrums. And not just every now and though throwing a toy or yelling and kicking. This is everyday, he throws things, kicks walls, hits himself into walls. He is becoming very destructive. On Sunday he threw a minor one of these "fits" over at mom and dads house and I just lost it. This was the 1st time he has done it outside of the home and mom and dad are the only people to have witnessed it. We sat down and talked and even they agree that this is not normal behavior. I have called the dr office and was told that there really isn't a test to be done on children for a.d.d. or a.d.h.d. Infact, there are several drs who don't acknowledge it as an issue in kids. I was told to start putting him on a strict schedule and see if that works so today will be day one. To start a strict schedule from morning till night would be very difficult to handle so right now I am just trying evening. From 6pm on, things are going to start going by clock work. Supper, play time, bathtime, snacktime, and bedtime. Once we can get on an evening schedule then I hope I can start putting in a morning schedule.
A big decision that we need to make though is if we just let him go or if this is something that we really need to look into to. Part of me says we have GOT to get this under control now before we have major issues by the time school starts but then another part of me wonders if he truely is just a normal 3 year old and its just a phase.
The next few days I will be doing a lot of research on behavior issues in children and see if we should be concerned.
Anyone that knows Brycen knows that he is a very active child, bouncing off the walls all hours of the day and night. If it could have just stayed that way, I could deal with that. But, the sleep issues and now the fits, I'm afraid what could come next or how bad things could get.
A big decision that we need to make though is if we just let him go or if this is something that we really need to look into to. Part of me says we have GOT to get this under control now before we have major issues by the time school starts but then another part of me wonders if he truely is just a normal 3 year old and its just a phase.
The next few days I will be doing a lot of research on behavior issues in children and see if we should be concerned.
Anyone that knows Brycen knows that he is a very active child, bouncing off the walls all hours of the day and night. If it could have just stayed that way, I could deal with that. But, the sleep issues and now the fits, I'm afraid what could come next or how bad things could get.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
I hate feeling scared...
It gives a sick to my stomach feeling everytime I log onto WNDU and there is another crime being committed so close to home. Whenever I heard stories that happened in Chicago, or Gary, or even lately South Bend West Side, I feel reassurred that I live in a small friendly community. Sure, our apartments go through some minor issues with vandalism, car break ins, and such; but, I still feel safe. I know I have my neighbors looking out for us and I know police officers are making rounds keeping an eye on us. All the issues happening in Goshen lately have just kind of put me on edge, especially with Brad working 2nds. It scares me to go out with the kids and come home when its dark out. I am paranoid at every little sound I here. It just seems like lately, my sense of security has been taken away. I can't imagine what my friends must feel like who actually live in the Goshen, Elkhart, and South Bend area. How are you ever supposed to get your sense of security back? When the murderer is arrested? What about all the other criminals out there, taking advantage of a scared community....
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Everything happens for a reason......
Everything in my life has happened for reason.
Its very easy to say but its crazy if you really think about it.
EVERYTHING that has EVER happened in my life has led me to this point right here....
sitting in my chair, watching a football game, while listening to my kids play.
I've made lots of choices in my life that weren't the smartest.
There are people in my past that didn't make it to my future for a reason.
Doesn't mean the memories I have with them or the time I spent with them was a mistake.
They needed to be in my life at that moment so that I could be here now.
I had a lot of friends that didn't make it to this point.
Friends from school
Friends from camp
Friends I met thru friends.
They all impacted my life to get me to right here.
A lot of decisions I made in my past probably weren't the right decisions to make
but
without that decision, my life is completely different.
I have always boiled my past down to a series of mistakes.
I now struggle to see anything as a mistake
I HAVE made a lot of poor choices and bad decisions and had horrible timing.
Its hard to view those things as a MISTAKE since it all got me to this point at 7:30 pm on Sunday.
I really need to get out of the mindset of "I really wish I never would have done that" because the truth is, everything has worked together to make me happy
So, from this point on
-I want to THANK all the people that didn't make it to this point of my life for being in my past when I needed you. I really needed you there but clearly I don't need you in my future.
-I am going to quit feeling guilty about my past choices and decisions. *Brycen is a blessing in my life. Was he the result of a poor choice? Yes. But, goodness I can't imagine life without him*
-I need to quit dwelling on past actions. Was I stupid? yes. Did it affect me? yes. Is it going to ruin my life? Guess not.
I have taken full responsibilty for my past. I have learned from my past. And now its time for me to bury my past.
and everyone that was in it that didn't make it to 7:36pm on Sunday
and everything I did
and everything I didn't do
As a friend once said "time to burn bridges"
Guess thats my cue...
Its very easy to say but its crazy if you really think about it.
EVERYTHING that has EVER happened in my life has led me to this point right here....
sitting in my chair, watching a football game, while listening to my kids play.
I've made lots of choices in my life that weren't the smartest.
There are people in my past that didn't make it to my future for a reason.
Doesn't mean the memories I have with them or the time I spent with them was a mistake.
They needed to be in my life at that moment so that I could be here now.
I had a lot of friends that didn't make it to this point.
Friends from school
Friends from camp
Friends I met thru friends.
They all impacted my life to get me to right here.
A lot of decisions I made in my past probably weren't the right decisions to make
but
without that decision, my life is completely different.
I have always boiled my past down to a series of mistakes.
I now struggle to see anything as a mistake
I HAVE made a lot of poor choices and bad decisions and had horrible timing.
Its hard to view those things as a MISTAKE since it all got me to this point at 7:30 pm on Sunday.
I really need to get out of the mindset of "I really wish I never would have done that" because the truth is, everything has worked together to make me happy
So, from this point on
-I want to THANK all the people that didn't make it to this point of my life for being in my past when I needed you. I really needed you there but clearly I don't need you in my future.
-I am going to quit feeling guilty about my past choices and decisions. *Brycen is a blessing in my life. Was he the result of a poor choice? Yes. But, goodness I can't imagine life without him*
-I need to quit dwelling on past actions. Was I stupid? yes. Did it affect me? yes. Is it going to ruin my life? Guess not.
I have taken full responsibilty for my past. I have learned from my past. And now its time for me to bury my past.
and everyone that was in it that didn't make it to 7:36pm on Sunday
and everything I did
and everything I didn't do
As a friend once said "time to burn bridges"
Guess thats my cue...
Friday, October 14, 2011
I must know everything...
I can't be left out of the loop
On anything
Ever
40% of the time I spend on the computer, I spend on news websites
40% of the time I spend on the computer, I spend on facebook
20% of the time I spend on the computer, I spend looking at ads
I dont ever want to miss anything.
I dont ever want to miss a huge news story. I have to know the name of every person involved in every situation.
I dont ever want to miss a single big thing on facebook. So my times I find my self signing off and signing back on just incase someone has updated something.
I don't ever want to miss a special sale at walmart or martins.
Its seriously a hobby of mine to know everything at all times. Not only do I have to know everything on the web, I also need to know what is going on in my friends lifes at all time. Anytime there is a vague status, I just HAVE to know what its about.
On anything
Ever
40% of the time I spend on the computer, I spend on news websites
40% of the time I spend on the computer, I spend on facebook
20% of the time I spend on the computer, I spend looking at ads
I dont ever want to miss anything.
I dont ever want to miss a huge news story. I have to know the name of every person involved in every situation.
I dont ever want to miss a single big thing on facebook. So my times I find my self signing off and signing back on just incase someone has updated something.
I don't ever want to miss a special sale at walmart or martins.
Its seriously a hobby of mine to know everything at all times. Not only do I have to know everything on the web, I also need to know what is going on in my friends lifes at all time. Anytime there is a vague status, I just HAVE to know what its about.
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